and so i ponder..

about the times that we might have.
caressing questions i singin from my mic stand
like damn what these feelings im revealin
like if i tell the fellas i get smacked in my mellon
but its unique love..only women can provide
________________________________________________________



Hey there,

yesterday was a day that really questioned my actions in drumline..

do people care if i try hard, or not.. people call me .. this and that but i just respond with yeah yeah w/e.. i work hard.. and what u want from me

but when its in front of other people.. i feel that the drumline staff treats me like shit at times, man i swear manny was messing up.. like sick.. i didnt hear any yellin

just "oh manny, can u move over a lil bit, there ya go.. good job".. and if other people would mess up around him, they blame .. the other people who were right.

he gets so much shit like being babied and shit all the damn time, he thinks he is always right, has no idea of how to deal with criticism, well he better because shit he does more than anyone on the damn dline. MR. DLINE CAPTAIN i swear grow the fuck up man.. go practice.. go learn some respesct man.. i have no idea on how u got into the fucking captain position.. u joke around and think that politics and talking funny makes a good leader.. please.. take actions that are fair.. fucking people who won u in are people who just were ur friends, not knowing of me... all the fuckers know what i've been there.. and where i've come.. i put a whole fucking year behind me.. so i can stand up for the damn team.. and marched tenors, for the TEAM!!... a whole year.. focusing on the traits of being a better person, and staying real to myself, gettin advice about things, and giving advice.. helping people and gettin help..!!!!!



its not like my first time that this had happened, so i am like what...

AND WHEN I... THE GUY WHO HAS MOST EXP THAN ANY MARCHING PERSON..

A FUCKING HARD WORKER, DEDICATED, AND PASSIONATE REGIMENT MEMBER...


ryan!.. what are you doing!.. blah blah blah.. and im like wtf..

i try not to get mad, cuz thats one thing i gotta work on my temper,

but damn if u would see how they treat different people in the life of ass kissers.


man its not like im being bullied that like 24/7 but when i do.. its so un called for..

i admit i mess up, im not perfect.. but shit.. i give a shit.. haha.. i know numerous people who are just in dline to be in dline.. they are sooo "cool"


:( makes me so upset on how hard i work.. and it seems like i get treated like shit sometimes... i know the whole dline this year is dealiing with new staff, but... damn!

ALRIGHT IM SO GLAD I GOT THAT OFF MY CHEST, IM NOT GOING TO BE DEALING WITH THAT BS ANYMORE ;)




.......

sorry im not trying to get things so tense..

but the later night.. the lakers won again :)

smashed the suns...

hhaha :D

.......


I've been thinking a lot of lately, as u can tell from above.. and for other things too..

i've made a decision to pursue to the next step, to try to see how things would work.. i honestly dont care what other people think.. i am true to myself.. and i always will be..

hopefully things work out


i pray for the best





Dreams can be altered and twisted around, before you can truly wake up in the reality of it.

Blogaholic

Sup peeps.

lately i've been hearing stuff, but like i dont know whats up..

peeps gotta inform me about things, before i learn them on my own..

the harsh way.. ha, i must be trippin.



hope not.

Whats Todays, But Yesterdays Tomorrow

My dad gave me a big ass lecture on respect/disrespect.

I felt like i was 8 years old, being told what to do/not to do.

He told me that when i am older, and i have one more year until i graduate that my goal is to pursue into college.. get your BA, then your masters, and then probably your doctorate.

At this point all i am saying is "ok"... and nodding my head politely...

Enough of that
_________________________________________________________


On the good note, the lakers won <3.. 46-10.

I actually found my trackball rofl.. @ 11pm last night.
I was like fuck this i am going to find this, and first place i looked behind the piano there it was in two pieces, the trackball, and the silver ring to hold it in place... as i place the ball [thats not what she said] in the slot it functions immediately :D... and then the silver ring was being stupid so i kinda forced my way in their.

_________________________________________________________

And on another note, i keep having these wierd ass dreams, it was pretty scary... like creepy towards the end.. these fat dudes were fighting and one got hit in the chest really hard.. and see i dont get it, i am guessing i am the narrator cuz i know all in the dream right, i'm like the guy who died's soul or something.

from that blow, he died for "4 minutes" until this chick[no its not you, lol] that was in my other dream two night ago or so.. she wished him alive... yes yes.. long story, but the girl is very upset a couple nights ago and she was crying heavily, so God (i am guessing) helped her out and granted her wish that I WAS BACK ALIVE

(im goin back to my past dream)

So then im back alive in my bed.. i put my arm out to see if anyone is there, cuz im under the covers and scared as fucked, and i feel her body.. then yeah.. i woke up, no shit.

[back to last night]

well that chick, wished the fat guy back to life also... and i felt him come back to life.. and it was soooooo wierd... there was screams.. like a heavy force, all these different things for him to come back...

BUT the freaky thing is that, when he sat up... i was back into my dream a couple nights ago ;O ... oh shit lol.

[real life]

so im pretty much freaked out to go to sleep anymore.. and stay up its like 6:45.. and my alarm is @ 7.. so who cares

_________________________________________________________

Lately, i've been pretty stressed out, this is going to be probably my longest entry for a while....

So many things on my mind, and it is pretty hard to keep them all in tact, and in focus. School (present and future), Family, Drumline, Future, My Businesses, My Family Businesses, Reunions, Girls, MYSELF... it might not seem like a lot, but on my mind its being stressing me out hhaha

thank god for music right?... so i am able to chill @ times and put on a couple of jams that im diggin, but then again.. its always going to be back to force me into the stress mode . AHHH!

I'm getting help on it, i'm realizing on what i need, and what i want. After anyone differentiates those two categories than usually life comes at them a little easier.

Priorities to Likings.

_________________________________________________________


But then again :D.. life is good right now..

My cold is almost offically over, and i'm being feeling right great.

I can finally get back to my dline which i've missed out on a couple of rehearsals but its cool, im here for good again.. :D

And hopefully sooner than later i can get back to you, and show you how much i care, but i am not trying to be mister nerd at the moment. I feel that, when i choose the right time, to see where things are... things should be @ the place to move on into better things.


OFF TO PRACTICE!!



dreams are so strange, lol.


-Ryan

my dad is fckd up.

Alright yesterday, i was on the computer.. and dying of hunger... and then i realized that my dad went out to do something so .. might as well ask him to pick something up right?

NO, wrong.. i was so wrong.. while i was on the phone he was like "no, im doing something at the moment"..and i was like fine no big deal.. joking the subject away then i hear the garage open immediately after i said ok.. and it was him.

SO I HUNG UP THE PHONE

im wrong again, shouldnt of done that... he came in the house and we like why did you hang up on me, and im like you were just there the garage opened and.. "whyd u fucking hang up on me"... "im not like one of your fucking hoodlum friends, do i look like one of your fucking friends"

then he's all up in my face, and im like what...(in my head of course) [why is he gettin all mad, he opened the garage, and i thought i could talk to him then.. so i hung up]

He grabbed my phone, and said yelled and threw it across the fucking room.

there goes my 300 hundred dollar blackberry pearl.. going flying for a trip.

GREAT.

i just walked upstairs didnt say a word, didnt even look at him, didnt even try to get my phone.

so for about 6 hours i was without a phone, bored as fuck, trying to make things right with myself, soooo i waited like a theif until the right time was there.

my parents went to their rooms.. and i snuk (is that a word) downstaris retrieved my phone which the battery was out.. sim card on the table.. and MY TRACK WAS MISSING!

so now i have a blackberry pearl with no fucking trackball.... wow.

and i can only get to messaging with the keys because... thank god i programed it.

so txting is basically my only option now ...


DREAMS DO GET PRETTY FUCKED UP.

______________________________________________________________
edit:5 min after posting

i had some wierd ass dreams too rofl....

i wont get into it, but something about basketball..

band,girls, scary shit, and my ear drums exploding..

bye. rofl.



-YEAH DREAMS ARE WIERD

yes we can, change the world

i feel good,

haahhha


maybe not 100% physically but im gettin there ..

as for mentally, oh yeah im trying hahaha :D

untitled

I'm finally not as sick as FUHK. :D

so im back to my somewat normal self, it was my first day of school today in the week, and my last :)

i didnt miss as much as i thought i was .. so thats a plus..

right now im contemplating on writing some lyrics down, or makin a beat, or just drumming outside hahha...

hopefully later today i get to go to the guard performance, and show some support to them, cuz tomorrow ima be knocked out :D...

things so far are going good in my life, I WANT THEM TO GET BETTER hahaha, but ima chill for the moment, ya know.

im glad, i hope shes glad, i hope i get my act together because i know im know im not perfect and i have a lot to learn.

ms. nerd cant fix her webcam .. im out


"i keep on looking for a.....a brighter day... all i see is time slippin awayyyy"



-Al Green - i wish you were here

SICK.

see im not usually sick, but the past weekend finally caught up with me -___-


haha i think saying hello to my dad got me even more sick, cuz his cough is so bad, it make me look 100% healthy.

im enjoying my time being home and my mom taking care of me :P.. but then im not because school is just going to through some much shit on me hahaha..

I HOPE THAT tomorrow i'll be able to hit everything back to normal, and go back to school ... and dline practice... i missed last nights :(

damn i hate when i miss practice, cuz its another day i cant get good @ what i love ya know?

shit happens, so i gotta know that... take it easy and chill

One day, american idol new judge, i swear she said riff like 100 times. :D

im out back to nyquil, tylenol, and gargling with warm SEA salt water haha

-peace



dreams are all around you

Some lyrics

yes girl,​ your the one.​.​.​thats​ on my mind
matte​r a fact could​ i.. pleas​e make you mine
its been a while​,​ and i've been reall​y diggi​n your style​
from the way you walk,​ to the way u smile​
yes, i've been pushy​ at times​ its gonna​ stop
take a minut​e,​ relax​,​ as i massa​ge your thoug​hts
im the lover​ slash​ frien​d
from begin​ning to end
the one that will be there​ to hold you throu​gh the night​,​ compr​end?​
lets amend​ the past
rescu​lpt the prese​nt
the futur​e is near
cant u feel my prese​nce?​
there​s nothi​ng to fear
as we take time to step away from our peers​
and try to pursu​e roman​ce , its wierd​
at first​,​ but we can make it happe​n
the good times​,​ the bad times​,​ the here and there​ child​ish trant​rums
i devot​e mysel​f to you, and i am utter​ly true
your the one, pleas​e make my wish come true

Thinking

As i think about what happened in the last week, i ponder on the question.. was she meant for me? Did i even try hard enough?

Was it all a game.. haha damn, things are way different now, but i want it to return to the original status.


As of now, i dont know what i really want to do, i'd like to continue and pursue into convincing and showing her that im the one.

BUT.. then again, it might not be for me, i have to learn to take each day by itself and to not get all caught up with the "he said she said" BS.

I wouldnt mind her one bit, but wont bother until she's ready.


everyone around you has dreams.....


-peace.

WOW

Lots of things happened yesterday, truly for the best of all situations.

I am not angry, i am more confused and puzzled.

Ha, yeah at times i thought i was the one being played on even though... it really didnt seem that way..

her face was not :) .. it was :| .

I hope that things will get better... and hopefully i can forget whatever happened those some-ought days ago...

HOPEFULLY, today will be a great and exciting day



everyone has dreams.


-peace

whose world is this?

THE WORLD IS YOURS...

ITS MINE ITS MINE ITS MINE.


ha ^ = lyrics to Nas' - The World Is Yours


____________________________________________

lately, i've been thinking lots of things that had happened in the past, and things that are currently. ive tried to think out how to deal with each problem, but at times it just seems like its pointless.. ha only a couple people know my prob, but i can make u relate.

say if you were doin "something" for a long time and thought it was the coolest thing.. but later in your life that "something" didnt seem to be..cool anymore.. and u had less interest in it.

____________________________________________

another thing is that i have been enjoying my last 6 months

haha things have been going the way that i would like it to be, but i dont wanna mess up.. i feel like im kind of pushy @ things, and tooo frantic of what will happen.

You only have one life to live, but i realized that stressing that much over ANYTHING will make you crazy..

I just hope that one day i'll feel relieved from my feelings....

and make it for something else tooo...

WE ALL HAVE DREAMS.


-peace.

sup

Damn, i can't believe i have one of these, but might as well have some fun with it.
Today I had a long practice, at times got fustrated and at times i got my "laugh" on. But on a more serious now, im really happy that my parents stopped fighting, because it wa ticking me off, like seriously i couldn't concentrate numerous thoughts be blastin in my mind all the time, f'sho.

But now that everything is everything, IM GLAD who i am ya know?...

At the moment i'm in LA, chillin wit my sister and stuff man.. the Wii is fucking dope haha

I had to get out of the house.. go chill.. get those problems dealt with chill time.


im off to play wii for another hour then sleep.

peace